The most common question I get asked by my clients has nothing to do with fitness or nutrition.
In American society, it’s a big no-no to be a 36 year-old woman who’s never been married.
I get it. So why am I “still single”? (The word ‘still’ in this instance brings about a lot of assumptions that make my skin crawl, but I’ll save that topic for another day.)
I must be carrying a lot of unresolved emotional baggage or I’m inherently flawed, right?
As much as I hate this question and all of its radical implications, I’ll try to provide inquiring minds with some food for thought:
I subscribe to the Derek Sivers mentality of “Hell yes! or no” in my relationships.
In other words, why the hell would I ever choose to be with someone who’s not totally pumped to be with me? If I’m not actively saying “Hell yeah!” every step of the way, then I’m saying no.
Dating can suck hard enough without having to persuade someone who’s lukewarm to me how great I am.
And if there’s anything my friends and family know about me, it’s how much I avoid the ambiguity of dating — you know, that whole grey area of uncertainty that we’re perpetually stuck in when we start seeing someone new.
I hate the rules
I hate the drama
I hate the game-playing
So, here’s my personal belief system:
If you’re in the grey area, you’ve already lost. You’re not *on* the fence, you’re on the other side of it. And there’s no changing it. Not permanently anyway.
If someone isn’t completely into me at the jump, that’s a no. And the same goes for me. If there isn’t some inexplicable connection and deep-rooted feeling of familiarity that makes me want to go all-in, I won’t waste my time nor theirs.
I honestly can’t think of anything more ridiculous than trying to convince someone of how amazing I am when they make no effort to convince me of the same.
What does that say about me? That I actually need to try and persuade someone to be with me? It’s pathetic. And weak. And a total turn-off.
So, instead, I only date people I’m enthusiastic about. And I only date people who appear to be enthusiastic about me. Why?
Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.
People who are enthusiastic about the prospect of dating you are willing to fight harder to make it work.
I don’t want to be with someone who is just “meh” about my texts, phone calls, hanging out, grabbing dinner, and having sex.
People who are “meh” often turn out to be cheaters because they’re in unfulfilling relationships and seek to fill that void somewhere else.
Mediocrity is everywhere in this life, but one area I can prevent it from contaminating my own is in my relationships with others.
And that goes for ALL relationships — business, coaches, clients, friendships, romantic interests, etc.
Be excited or GTFO.
I don’t have the time nor the desire to surround myself with underwhelming people who prevent me from living my best life.
Be uplifting. Add value and care about me enough to call me out on my own self-destructive bullshit, so I can be better for you and me. But especially me.
If all of the people you pursue give you a mild response, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to get excited about being with you?
If the answer is not obvious, then you need to get to work building yourself into the type of person others would say “Hell yes” to.