What if you could wake up every day feeling confident, motivated, and optimistic about your life…regardless of how much you weigh?
What if you could stop worrying about everything that’s wrong with your body…and start celebrating everything that’s right?
What if you could stop comparing yourself to everyone else…and start building the life you truly want?
Imagine you got to read the deepest, darkest secrets from people all over the world — stuff they won’t even tell their spouse — for years and years, from thousands of people.
That’s my inbox.
Since I started online coaching 2012, I’ve had the opportunity to read thousands of DM’s, emails, and comments and responded to every single one. When people write back, they’ll tell you things they wouldn’t share with their best friend.
As someone who is a huge nerd when it comes to understanding human behavior, this is like a kid waking up on Christmas morning every day.
So you can imagine the kind of insights I’ve learned about body image struggles over the years. Some of them are obvious — people don’t feel comfortable wearing a bikini or being seen naked in front of their partner. But others are downright devastating.
I’m telling you this because I believe that learning how to exist peacefully in your body is more than just a nice thing to have, it’s life-saving.
A tad dramatic?
Look at it this way. What do you think is going to be better about your life when you weigh the perfect amount? What happiness do you think your current body is keeping from you?
The diet industry talks about how losing weight is the key to a long and happy life (false), but what about the life you aren’t living now?
Losing 50 pounds seems like a harmless goal, right? But can you recall a time when you saw a photo of yourself in a smaller body, got upset by what you saw, immediately deleted it and then committed to going on a diet?
That’s all the proof you need that a smaller body doesn’t guarantee a happy life.
Here’s one Redditor’s experience:
We all have “that voice in the back of our head.” I’m sure you can recall a time where you lost weight and still felt like your body wasn’t good enough.
That’s because weight loss isn’t just about your body. It consumes your mind, too:
…and that’s not even half of it. You battle these thoughts all day, every day. Romanticizing how your life will be different after you lose weight.
But will it? Here are what other Redditors are saying:
When you read comments like these, it’s easy to see how weight loss isn’t a magical solution to all of your life’s problems.
But I get it. I know what it’s like to envision a life where shopping for clothes means walking out of the store feeling confident instead of demoralized. I also know what it’s like to dream about a body without cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, and loose skin.
I always believed that if I had the perfect body, I’d have the perfect life. The perfect relationship. The perfect career. The perfect children. The perfect house. The perfect friendships.
Unfortunately, all that got me was perfectly delusional.
I didn’t understand it at the time, but the goal of creating a positive body image isn’t to love how you look in every photo; it’s being able to not love a photo and move on without it having a negative impact on the rest of your day.
It’s also not about:
As a dieter, the lens you’re using to filter which body parts are lovable vs those that are ‘disgusting’ is an impossible game to win because the cultural standard of beauty continues to change.
Ask yourself, “Who is profiting from me feeling this way?”
As long as you feel inadequate with the physical aspects of yourself, the diet industry has exactly where they want you — spending money on dead-end products that never work long-term.
And this isn’t only an overweight or obese persons problem. 91% of women surveyed have self-identified as being dissatisfied with their bodies and have actively tried to change it.
You may be thinking that once you have the perfect life, the perfect love, the perfect career, the perfect family, that you’ll stop worrying so much about this. That you’ll gracefully age out of your body image woes.
Imagine wanting to photoshop your body as a grandma.
Or forgetting your grandchildren’s names, but remembering how many weight watchers points your food has.
How much of your day do you spend feeling guilty for what you ate, what you weigh, for basically, well, for being you?
How much of your day do you spend reading articles, books, and social media accounts looking for that magical weight loss protocol that’s going to solve all of your problems?
How much of your day do you spend hating your body when you see your reflection in the mirror, or when trying on pre-pregnancy clothes, or struggling to complete an exercise?
How many of your days have been ruined by stepping on the scale?
How many times have you walked out of a fitting room empty handed after being assaulted by the mirrors?
Hating your body is exhausting, isn’t it?
It consumes all of our mental energy. Every decision of every day is riddled with anxiety-inducing moments:
Geez. No wonder we’re all so miserable. If someone followed me around, pointing out all of my self-perceived “flaws” all day, I don’t know if I’d ever get out of bed.
And yet, you do. Every day, you go to battle with your inner critic. Which tells me, you can do hard things.
You don’t have to stay stuck.
You don’t have to accept this life.
This program isn’t about daily affirmations in the mirror. It’s not about posting pictures of yourself on social media in a bikini with the words ‘fuck your beauty standards’ written across your ass (although I’m here for that, too).
It’s about gaining the ability to see and hear what messages are here to help you and which ones distract you from showing up as your authentic self. You know, the person you were intended to be before diet culture gaslighted and manipulated you into thinking something was wrong with you.
You don’t have to continue suffering at the hands of restrictive food rules made up by people who don’t actually know
anything about you or your lifestyle.
Perhaps there’s a healthier, alternative path that doesn’t involve hating yourself thin?
Can the pursuit of self-love really be more frustrating than the pain of self-loathing?
What’s the worst that could happen if you showed yourself a little compassion? Your old dieting ways will always be there if you decide kindness and patience isn’t working.
Fortunately, there’s another way.
Unfiltered is designed to help you free your mind of the negative self-talk so you can actually develop the psychological tools necessary to make real, lasting change.
And it starts with addressing your inner critic.
When we decide to do this, seeing our reflection in the mirror doesn’t have to be a painful or negative experience, nor does it have to control your day and how you feel about yourself.
You can look at your body in an objective way. You can get real without getting upset.
You don’t have to be photoshop perfect to be worthy. And you don’t have to wait until you’ve lost 10 pounds to be happy. These ideas will no longer be tied together once you spend time working on your relationship with yourself.
Your body is not the only thing you have to offer the world. There is meaning to discover and create in other areas of your life and as your Coach, I want to help you create everything you’ve been missing.
Maybe you’ll find it in a new language or musical instrument.
How many opportunities have you missed because you’ve been waiting on the weight before you’ll show up in your life?
When you break up with dieting, you have to be willing to admit to yourself that yes, quick-fixes do feel good, but they’re also a band-aid that don’t truly empower you long-term.
Do you really want to battle this for the rest of your life or are you ready to learn how to give yourself what you truly need?
The first step might be in recognizing that controlling your food and body is not your natural skillset and that’s why it feels so damn hard and unsustainable.
Have you ever stopped and considered WHY THIS FEELS SO HARD all of the time?
We weren’t born dieters. Controlling your body’s size through dieting and fitness are man made constructs that thrive off your insecurities. You may have applied your natural skill of being a good researcher and implementing structure to “eating clean,” but what you’re good at isn’t having sculpted abs. It’s creating a plan and executing it.
If society at large stopped validating your lean legs and small waist, how would you be different? Where would you be spending your time? What would your passions be?
Your happiness lies in the answer to that question. True happiness.
But, I get it. That doesn’t sound nearly as sexy and glamorous as a quick-fix diet that provides you immediate social proof.
And honestly, that’s probably the primary reason why we readily turn towards it in a moment of self-doubt or insecurity. Instant gratification is easier. But if instant gratification has become a dead-end road to emptiness and burnout, then it might be time to try on patience and get intentional about cultivating confidence outside of your body size.
This is what Unfiltered is offering you. A chance to reclaim the life you’ve been missing while waiting on the weight.
Here’s what you’re getting
Changing the way you feel about your body is tough. Maybe you’ve been told to just think more positively, and that advice is falling flat (insert eyeroll). If it were that easy, you’d have done it by now.
It’s not about affirmations in the mirror but rather it’s a deep deprogramming of beliefs that you didn’t even know you had.
Do that, and you’re free.
It’s tempting to think that weight loss will fix all of this for you. That you’ll feel confident once you’ve lost weight and the approval starts. It certainly seems that way, but that confidence lives on shaky ground. True confidence doesn’t come from the validation of others and it isn’t gifted to you when you reach a certain size. False confidence is conditional, depends on other people’s approval, and only covers up the insecurity that you feel as you question whether you are finally enough.
Emotional eating isn’t about the food, and body image isn’t about your weight. That belief is just a distraction from what’s really going on.
This is why everyone’s body image journey is unique.
Some people have already spent time reading the books, listening to podcasts, and are beginning to understand how body image seeps into every corner of their lives. Some come to me completely new to this work, but ready to change the story they have about their body and everyone else’s they care about.
No matter where you’re starting, your view of how you see and think about your body will be changed. Going all in takes becoming an abolitionist. The system that has you striving for a one size fits all standard of beauty is destructive and dehumanizing. You deserve better.
If you’re currently replaying a story where you’re not good enough, not thin enough, don’t deserve time for yourself, or can’t seem to do anything right, then it’s time to…
Re-write the script.
You are exactly who you choose to think you are.
Ask yourself what the version of you 5 years from now wants to be spending time and energy on. Own that vision of yourself. And then take action today, right now.
Own that power. Own that vision of yourself. And then take action today, right now.
Why choose the story that doesn’t serve you? Is that voice louder than the other? If so, what are you actively doing to change it?
Today, you have an opportunity to create a different life for yourself. Where do you want to be six months from now? Celebrating how far you’ve come or spinning your wheels?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.